[SIC] letter no. 39

I will be publishing some of the most interesting questions I've received from readers of this FA-Q.

I don't know how stupid this is, but here goes.
I have a love interest who lives in Russia. We would like to together and possibly get married. She would like to know what type of visa she would need to come to Canada? Is there one for fiances? How long does it take to get a visa in Russia. I would really appreciate any info about this subject. THANKS --Stephen

Dear Stepper,

Looking at your kind but unbalanced letter that consisted of no "My dear Media Shark" or "Dear Anya" but ended with a big "THANKS", I will try my best to explain to your feeble mind that this is a Russian FA-Q, not a Canadian FA-Q and I'm not obliged to answer your Canadian visa questions. But I think she could use the same visas as Russian hookers might use for their 'business trips'.

You've got a problem here, pal. She wants your $$$ and uses travel expenses as an excuse. So you want to visit her instead and keep her an Atlantic-Ocean's width away from your bank account. Praises unto you for your courage to visit such a bad country as Russia after diligently (assume) reading through my extremely informative FA-Q.

It doesn't take long at all to get a Russian visa. Say, maybe 10-15 years--the time of only one or two revolutions. The fees may run higher than a round-the-world air ticket. After you submit yourself to the scrutiny of the Foreign Ministry, Customs and Immigration, the KGB Border Guard and Internal Security, you may go on to your futile search of that woman who may either have been nonexistent in the first place, or to find out that her once soft and supple skin has already shrivelled up not unlike Russian autumn leaves.

Therefore I advise you to just give her the money and dump her before she dumps you to save your male ego that will suffer considerable damage from being conned out of your money.

Thank you for asking such an interesting question. It turns out that it's the questioner, not the question is stupid.

Sincerely,
Media Shark